When You Just Can't

Hello friends!

Everyone has those moments where you just can't.  Many of us might be at that moment right now.  I have a feeling that a great many of those people might reside on this campus because, my friends, finals week is upon us. Today was the last full day of classes.  Tomorrow is study day with four days of finals after that.  Many are realising that perhaps procrastinating was not the best idea they've ever had.

I might or might not be one of those people, but, in my defense, I do teach all day.  So yes, you're right, I have a truckload to get done this week.  However, I feel like I need to defend my procrastination just a little bit.  It can be very hard to motivate yourself to do more work when you have been working all day.  I also lost all of Saturday as a work day because of being sick.  However, I can somehow sense that this is a truth of adulthood that I need to learn to accept.  Teaching is not a profession in which you can leave your work at work.  It has a way of creeping home with you.  That or you stay at the school past dinner time.

So, this evening was one of those evenings that I felt I just couldn't.  I was sitting here, working on the technology section of my unit plan and I just couldn't even process what the questions were asking.  Fun fact: once I could process what they were asking, I realized that they were asking me the same question ten different times with ten different phrasings.  As my friend who is also an education major has aptly said, we should also get a degree in bullshit along with our teaching license.

If you know a teacher, you know what we mean.  All those questions about how you are going to support student learning while engaging the students in the standards of your curriculum with the help of technology all the while juggling on a unicycle.  You know, standard questions.  The trick is, the answer is almost always the same or at least takes the same kind of format.  In simplest terms, it becomes a really boring game of Mad Libs.  For example:  "I supported student learning by (insert educational theory here).  These students were supported because (insert the exact same educational theory but with different wording).  I assessed if my students were supported adequately because (insert new educational theory but tie it back to the old one)."

However, I am not saying that those questions are invalid or unimportant.  They are questions that all educators should be asking themselves with every lesson the plan.  We need to support all of our students in their learning and I would never try to say that's not important.  However, once you've asked me the same question ten different times about the same lesson, I start to get  just a little annoyed.  In any case, I will endure and answer these seemingly endless questions because my students are worth it.

I guess that's what it all comes down to.  You look into the eyes of your students, and most days, it's totally worth it.  Granted, today was not one of those days for me.  A long part of the walk I took to the music building and back to my apartment was spent wondering if I really wanted to endure endless paperwork and children's attitudes for the rest of my life.  However, as I've come to discover, I think all teachers have days like that.  It also doesn't help that I'm getting over a cold and I don't feel very good.  That's why I have an awesome roommate who, upon hearing my plight and mood, pulled up "I Just Can't Wait to be King" from Lion King and we jammed out.  You're right, I felt a lot better after that.

I somehow mustered up the willpower to get the technology part of my unit plan finished.  Well, almost finished.  I have two questions left, okay?  My brain just decided that it was done for the day.  Also, when your answers start becoming snide remarks with some profanity thrown in, you should probably stop and try again tomorrow.

My adulting lesson of the week: learning how to persevere even though I really really really REALLY want to go to bed or do literally, anything else.  On a positive note, I get to see my family and fiance at the end of the week so that's super exciting!

'Til Next Time,

Jamie

Chasing Your Dream

Hello friends!

Welcome to the blog post that should be titled, "Maybe This Should Be a Monday Blog." Sorry I'm late again, it was just a very long weekend.  My college had a FANTASTIC Christmas concert this past weekend featuring all of the audition choirs.  The concert takes place twice on campus and then once in the nearest big city at the basilica.  I was setting myself up for sadness this past week because it was my first year that I wasn't going to be in it myself.  Chamber Choir performing without me?  I didn't even know that was legal.

Well, apparently it's not completely legal because I ended filling in for someone who was singing a quartet with some of the other music faculty on campus, including my voice teacher and another wonderful voice teacher on campus.  While I have to say the reason for my having to fill in was not a happy one, I'm glad I had such a wonderful opportunity.  Singing with my voice teacher of the past four years who has a doctorate in music and has performed in several operas is quite literally a dream come true.  I felt honored that I was chosen to fill in at the last minute instead of one of the other music faculty around.  It was one of the highest compliments that I have received to date on the quality of my voice and all of the hard work I've done.  Needless to say, after three performances in two days plus a total of three hours on a bus, Jamie was not ready to be productive on Sunday.

Well, not to make an ego trip out of this blog, the point is that I was able to continue to be involved with a Christmas tradition that has been a part of my life for four years (now five years!).  I was able to do one of my favorite things in the entire world: perform.  I recently realized how much I love performing.  I feel like I should have known this, given the fact that half of my major is vocal performance. Apparently, I'm pretty dense, even when I'm the one talking to myself.  To my credit though, performing has been a part of my life since I was in fifth grade and it's hard to realize what you are missing until it's gone.  Well, suddenly this semester, I haven't been performing much at all.  Let me tell you guys, I miss it.  I miss singing, practicing, refining, and everything that goes along with performing, even the frustrating hours in the practice room.  It's like a part of my life is missing.

I can just hear some of the eye rolls.  "Jamie, there is more to life than showing off your voice to the world."  Trust me, if that was all performing was to me, I would have stopped a long time ago.  Performing gives me this feeling of completeness and joy that I haven't found in anything else.  I love inserting myself into the soul and emotion of someone else through song.  I love putting myself in character to reflect what the speaker of the piece wishes to convey.  I love bringing a song to life and conveying that feeling to others.  I feel that I can truly share myself with others when I sing.

As a result, I've been thinking about doing some performing when I get back home.  I'd like to do my senior recital from college at home (you know, if people want to hear it).  More than that though, I've started to consider going to graduate school for vocal performance or opera.  Then I remember the mounting student debt I have and how performers don't exactly have a steady paycheck while teachers do.  I also then remember the mountains of people that are better than me.  But shouldn't I at least try?

Behold, my next adulting conundrum: do I chase my dream?  Everyone always tells you to go after your dream because you don't want to look back and regret not even trying.  The thing is, it feels like my dream changes.  Although, maybe this is always a dream I've had.  It wasn't something I considered seriously until recently but I suppose the thought has always been there.  Either way, the idea of chasing something like going to graduate school for voice is pretty terrifying.  Graduate school costs so much money and I already have a great deal of debt to the government (next topic for the blog: how ridiculously college is in the states?).  And what will I get out of it?  Will it be worth it?  Or will I be content to perform in my community and go after a graduate degree in education?

I just don't know.  I don't know what the future truly holds for me but I suppose that's okay.  What I do know, is that I plan on teaching for the next couple of years so that I can start to pay back some of those loans.  I do know that I'm going home to my family to spend some much needed time with them.  I do know the road will continue to be hard, especially in the area of teaching.  I'm procrastinating writing up those lesson plans as I type.  Give me some credit though, I've finished three of them.  Only two more to go!

One thing is certain: I will find ways to perform again.  Even if its just for ten people who truly find joy in what I sing, I will perform.  I will continue to share and express in emotion in a way that is unique to me.  I will also continue to sing my heart out to the radio because hey, who doesn't feel like a rockstar when they do that?

Later 'gators,

Jamie

We Celebrate Our Family Time

Hello friends!

I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving this past week (if you celebrate Thanksgiving)!  I know I did.  Luckily, I was able to go home for Thanksgiving and spend some much needed time with my family.  I counted and it had been seven months since I had been home.  Seven months!  Let me tell you, the people at home really change when seven months go by, especially when those family members are children and teenagers.  I have two nieces, one that is 17 and one that is 9, as well as a nephew who is 16.  Wow, just, wow.  WHEN DID THEY GET SO OLD????  My nephew has facial hair! FACIAL HAIR!

Regardless of all the changes that happened while I was gone, it was great to see my family and friends again. My family has been through alot this past year so it was great to see them all together, in one piece, and laughing again.  There was, of course, a great deal of food as well.  One of my friends came home with me and by the end of our time in Ohio, we were both SICK of food.  Not only did we have Thanksgiving at my house on Thursday, but we also had Thanksgiving with my fiance's family on Friday during the afternoon as well as dinner at a Mexican place with one of my best friends from high school.  I think we waddled out of the restaurant.  Needless to say, it was a food filled week, as I'm sure it was for most of you as well.

I would like to turn this blog to a slightly more happy topic, at least, happy for me.  My family is amazing.  Yes, just like all families, it's not perfect and there are plenty of issues that we have to deal with all the time.  But when push comes to shove, my family has always been able to come together support each other.  I never noticed how extremely lucky I am to have such a great family like that until I started meeting people whose families were not quite so supportive of each other.  I now know that not all parents are supportive of their children or involved in their lives.  I know that there are families that are torn apart and take a very long time to heal, if they ever do.  I have also learned that those who are vulnerable in these situations such as the children, teens, or young adults, tend to find a family in their friends.  If they can, these people often surround themselves with supportive friends who become like their family.  This is the family they find support, love, and acceptance in.  Even though this family does not share blood, it is still a legitimate form of family.  I have to say that I've been greatly honored in my life and have joined such families with some of my friends.

I feel extremely spoiled because I definitely have both.  I have a wonderful blood family and an equally wonderful extended family of friends.  This past week, I learned the value of both of those families.  I came away from my vacation feeling grounded, reassured, and able to take on the world.  For some reason, I thought that as a grew older, I would rely on my parents and family less, but let me tell you, the opposite is true.  As I continue to learn how to adult in this scary world of expectations, responsibilities, adventures, happinesses, political turmoil, and the like, I find myself looking more and more to my family for support and love.  Adulting doesn't mean that you grow out of your family, it means that you grow into a new place in it.  I'm not exactly sure what my new place is.  I've possibly moved from minion to head gopher.  You know, when your mom or dad tells you, "Go fer this, go fer that." You're the gopher.

I hope that all of you are able to go to your family, be it your blood related family or your friend family, and find the support, love, and acceptance that you need.  I hope that those people who feel they have neither will be able to reach out to those closest to them and find that family that we all need.  In a world that is becoming more and more individualistic, I hope we don't lose sight of what's important: your relationships with other people.  I challenge both you and myself to keep reaching out and talking to those around you.  Foster those relationships as much as you can because the older I get (not that I'm old but you get what I mean) the more I realize that it's those relationships and connections that give meaning to my life.

Today, I leave you with this song from the elementary concert:

"Turkey and dressing's on the table,
Sweet pumpkin pie is mighty fine.
Brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles,
We celebrate our family time.
Hands and hearts, hearts and hands,
join to stretch across the land."

See you next week!

- Jamie